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  • Writer's pictureCalvin

I Am Forgiven

I’m not a perfect individual by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve had relationships that fizzled out and some that ended in a less than stellar manner. I didn’t do anything illegal by any means, but I could’ve been a better boyfriend. And sometimes, that leaves me with a little bit of regret.

Sometimes, I wish that some of my relationships ended in a better and more cordial manner. That there weren’t so many loose ends that needed to be tied up. But, I was young and foolish back then. And I made some choices that were a bit brash and out of the ordinary.

I could’ve been wiser. And I think those relationships ending really taught me a lesson on how to appropriately treat people regardless of differences. If I could go back in time, I would certainly end the relationships in a more amicable manner.

But, of course, there is no time machine. I can’t go back in time to change the way things were. I don’t have absolute power like the almighty himself. All I can do now is live with my decision. And the consequences that came with it.

I lost some mutual friends from my past breakup. Lost some social opportunities. Those losses do pile up. But, I continue moving forward. It’s not the end all be all by any stretch of the imagination. I still have the resources available to live a joyful and fulfilling life. And that’s what I continue to set out to do every single day.

Sometimes, I wish I can reach out to my exes and say that I’m sorry for the way things ended. That I wish it could’ve gone better. That I could’ve been more patient. Or more gracious. Or less stubborn and foolish. But, things do happen for a reason. And for every action taken, there is a lesson behind it.

So, I try to look towards the deeper lessons that I can learn from my actions. And what I can learn from my consequences. And I try to see things from a positive and more peaceful outlook.

I recently finished the book, Tiny Beautiful Things, by Cheryl Strayed. And in the book, she answers letters from her fans about life problems - about career, relationships, you name it. And one of her responses were to tell the person that he is forgiven. He is forgiven for his mistakes and sins. That nobody is perfect. Everyone rises and falls here and there.

And, I think that message is pretty powerful. To know that you are forgiven. That brings with it some peace of mind. To know that it’s important not to just forgive others, but to forgive yourself for your transgressions as well. Because that’s the main way to move forward from a broken relationship.

To realize that maybe you messed up small or big-time along the way. But, at the end of the day, just forgive yourself and move on. No need to tie up loose ends. No need to look for closure. Just. Move. On. And enjoy the life that you’ve been given.

So, I try to tell myself that these days. That I am forgiven. By my exes. By society. By life in general. And I try to move on and continue to improve myself. To set goals. Work on new skills. Play to my strengths. Maintain my health. Invest in my friendships. Support the community. And simply do things that I feel passionate and strongly about.

I think there’s so much to do in this world. If we open our eyes, there are endless opportunities right around the corner. And to appreciate that type of abundance really opens your eyes a little bit more on the beauty that is present around us.

So, I am forgiven. I am not perfect. I will continue to make mistakes. I will continue to grow. And I will continue to be at peace and forgive those that have wronged me and those that I have possibly wronged.

There’s no reason to live with guilt for the rest of your life. Just move on to the next. Whenever the next relationship comes, hopefully you can become a better person and learn from your mistakes of the past. Become more patient. More loving. More supportive. More of a leader. More grateful. And just be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.

We don’t need church to be forgiven. We can forgive ourselves right here in this very moment. People have made bigger mistakes. People have committed larger transgressions. I am not alone in feeling a bit of regret on the way certain things went down. But, I will continue to hold my head up. And continue to do me the way I set out to do.

We’re all human. We all make mistakes. And we all deserve another chance to make it even better.

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