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  • Writer's pictureCalvin

If Only

If only I had that beautiful jacket. If only I had a girlfriend. If only I could get rid of my social anxiety. If only this will happen, then I will be happy. Then I will be fulfilled. Then I will be at peace. Then I will be unstoppable.

If only I had that one thing that I desired, then I will be content. Then all my desires and wants will be fulfilled. Then I can finally rest easy on my laurels and everything will be as easy as a pancake.

How often do we tell ourselves this on a daily basis? If only I can achieve a DTM in Toastmasters, then I will be accomplished. If only I can get married. If only I have kids. If only I get that promotion. If only my parents loved me more. If only. If only. If only.

This phrase can catch us in the most dreadful moments, and prevent us from cherishing what we already have in the here and now. It’s easier said than done, I must admit.

But, we have a lot in this present. Sometimes, we think about all the things that we don’t have. All the things that we lack. And we find ourselves comparing our present lives to the lives of others. Believing that other people have it good, and that we are lacking. That we are somehow mistaken and unfortunate beings.

It’s a trap that I fall into sometimes as well. With extra family commitments these days, it’s easy to get down and stressed at the things that I need to manage nowadays on a daily basis. It’s easy to kind of just throw in the towel and throw a pity party for poor little old me.

It’s easy to just wistfully dream about a time when I can finally get that elusive peace of mind. Or that elusive material good that I’ve been cherishing for so long. It’s easy to get ahead of ourselves and kind of be discontent with what we currently have. Our current states. We need to appreciate what we have more often.

I can keep on harping about this concept over and over again. But, it’s true. Appreciation and acceptance can go a long way towards inner well-being. There are a lot of things that we can appreciate and see to be beautiful.

If you are worrying at this moment. If you are desiring for more. If you are not satisfied with who you are and what you’re doing, fret not. There are millions of people out there that are feeling this discontent. This kind of inner stress.

It’s not something that will go away easily. It’s something that we all need to look ourselves in the mirror and work on every day. We need to see the beauty in everything. Appreciate the finer moments. See things clearly and look for the wonder in everyday life.

These days, I need to take care of my aging dad. I also need to take care of a business. There are a lot of things in life that I still don’t quite understand, that is preventing me from feeling like a full-fledged adult. So, sometimes, I wonder to myself “if only I can gain this knowledge” or “if only I can take care of the business”, then I will somehow be fulfilled and complete.

But, I realize that that is the wrong way to think of things. If I think that way, I will never be enough. I will never be complete. I will always be chasing after something and feeling burdened about someone or something that is in my way. I need to somehow shed this concept of “if only”.

As if there is something out there that I need to attain or achieve or learn that can get me everlasting peace of mind. There is not one thing in this world that can do that. As long as you approach it with the wrong mentality, you will find yourself in a loop of everlasting worry and burden.

And that’s not something I wish upon anybody in their right mind. So, how do we get rid of this malaise? Get rid of the feeling of constant pressure, anxiety, burden, worry, and disheartening thoughts? How do we rise above the ashes and become the full-fledged beings with peace of mind that we all deserve?

If I had the right answer, I wouldn’t be writing in this blog anymore. If I had the answers to all the questions of this universe, what’s the use of questioning. I think the answer is different for different people. But, the power lies within us to adjust our perception - so that we are in constant search for beauty in the world. For a little bit of wonder. For a little bit of goodness. For humor. For acceptance. For forgiveness. For compassion.

If we can lighten up ourselves a little bit and see that all that we have in this moment. In this here and now is enough. Then we can move on to truly live life the way we see fit. Unburdened. Unencumbered. Free of malaise. Free of worry. And become a powerful presence in this everyday world.

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