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  • Writer's pictureCalvin


I wish I would never be interrupted when I’m in the middle of writing something. I wish I were always in a flow state. Always in a zone. No matter the circumstances. I wish that there would be no worries at all that pop into my head. I wish that my mind was as clear as the pristine blue sky. And I wish that I’d operate like that for the rest of my life.

But of course, in life, there will be ups and downs. There will be moments when you feel anxious, worried, sad, depressed. All that good stuff. You will feel down and out. You will feel like something is missing. That something is insufficient. It doesn’t necessarily have to be something big or grand. It can be simply mentally feeling exhausted. Or out of place.

Just little things like that add up. I realize that throughout my course of a normal day, there will always be random worries here and there that pop up in my head. There is no optimal state. No state where there are no flaws or no problems or no mistakes. There will always be something that comes to mind.

I guess I’m getting used to that feeling. That feeling of imperfection. That feeling of being human. There always feels like there’s something that needs to be done. Something that is right around the corner. It’s hard to describe.

Even when a day is going well, there always feels like there can be pitfalls waiting around the corner. Life is not all fragrances and roses all the time. It’s about accepting the good and the bad. And doing the best in what you can control. And not fighting the flow of life.

I wish I were ecstatic and happy all the time. I wish I were a non-stop highlight of Facebook and Instagram posts. But of course, no life is perfect and ideal. There will be hiccups along the way.

The optimal state is the imperfect state. The state with worries and insecurities about being human. And that’s okay. The optimal state is when we are vulnerable and open with our flaws and worries. When we can interact with a loved one or a partner and come to terms with who we are. That is the optimal state. A state where we can simply be our flawed imperfect self – filled with worries and anxieties and joys and ecstasies as well.

Life is a mixture of a bunch of feelings and emotions. My life has been going relatively well thus far. I am grateful for all the modern conveniences that this world has brought me. I am grateful for not living paycheck to paycheck. I am grateful to be relatively healthy. I am grateful to have loving family and friends by my side. I am grateful as a whole.

At the same time, I’ve mostly given up on trying to reach an optimal mental state where I am in complete bliss and ecstasy. I’m starting to feel like that state simply doesn’t exist. We are all flawed and we will have our moments of bliss, but we will also have moments where we fall back down to Earth. It’s a complete cycle.

There is no one snapshot of life that captures your entire story. The story is constantly evolving. It is constantly changing with the times. My highlight reel on Facebook does not capture the moments when I’m feeling down. Or worried. Or insecure. And those moments come for the best of us.

It’s important to simply come to terms and accept the fact that we are all imperfect creatures. And we are continuously striving and searching for something. It’s hard to satisfy us. And we are forever looking for that optimal state. When in reality, the optimal state is simply whatever state we’re in.

Just go with the flow, and let things happen for you. Let yourself respond accordingly to life’s circumstances and you’ll see that there is beauty in the mundane. The extraordinary is in the present moment. Because this moment is where all the magic happens.

The present moment is the only moment that we have. Maybe we shouldn’t go on searching for the optimal. Maybe we should just practice acceptance for the here and now. And set our minds with compassion towards this imperfect world in this imperfect universe. Maybe we should just accept that being optimal is a state of mind.

There will always be something to strive for. Something to improve upon. Something that you feel that you need and yearn for in order to feel fulfilled. And maybe you’ll get whatever it is you’re searching for. But then, it’s on to the next project. The next goal. The next yearning. It’s a non-stop process.

What’s optimal at one moment may be not enough in the next. I guess the most important lesson is to be yourself. Be your true flawed vulnerable self. And let it attract the right people into your orbit. And just accept that things will never be perfect. But there is still beauty in the everyday cracks of life.

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