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  • Writer's pictureCalvin

Stream of Consciousness

I’ve been doing this for almost two years now, and it’s mind boggling how I’ve been able to produce 100+ posts on this website over this amount of time. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I’d be a blogger. And it’s something that I enjoy doing.

Writing is therapeutic for me. And it helps me get things off my chest. I try to say what’s on my mind. And write down exactly what it is that I feel. And on many days, it is a feeling of gratitude. Of having enough. Of having enough money. Enough friends. Enough relationships. Enough physical and mental well-being.

I’ve been lucky to be alive. To live in a tremendous community in the United States of America. And more specifically, in New York City. A place where I’ve been able to thrive and enjoy and give back the best that I can. It’s a tremendous opportunity and I don’t take it for granted.

There are many things that I am thankful for. And I need to remind myself of that on a daily basis. Even thru the rough times. The tough days when I don’t want to get out of bed. When I just want to sleep in and have nothing to do with work. Even during those times, I need to remind myself of what I have. And be grateful in the moment. Knowing that I am doing and having enough.

There is no more of a peaceful feeling than knowing that you have everything you could ever desire at the palm of your hands. And overall, I don’t desire all that much.

This year has had its ups and downs (like every year). But through it all, if I can remain optimistic and open and accepting of all that is around me, then I think I will have a fairly healthy physical and mental state. Only when I am in a healthy state, can I even begin to think of giving back to the community.

Because, otherwise, your health and well-being come first and foremost. It’s these little things that I’ve been trying to develop this year. Trying to learn more skills. Develop the business. Grow into a more full-fledged adult. Every little day is a step in the right direction.

I’m not an all-out goal setter. I believe in goals but I don’t think that the end destination is all that important in life. Goals can be great as guidance, but it’s not a requirement for you to achieve everything that you set.

It’s good that I take in everyday like it’s my last. Like tomorrow is not guaranteed. It makes me want to bring forth this particular day with a sense of urgency. With a sense of gratitude. Knowing that I am human. Tomorrow I may indeed perish. So, today, I will live life to the fullest and be as optimal of a human being as I can. I will control what I can and be as abundant and respectful of others.

I will cherish the little moments. Like chatting with my fiancée. Asking for advice and wisdom from my parents. Having random chats and texts with good friends. Giving a short speech at a Toastmasters meeting. Meditating with my Chan Center community. And reading a good book in the solitude of my own room. These things can bring me joy if I just let it in. If I take in the present moment like it’s my last.

Like everything is up in the air and no breath is guaranteed. If I approach life like this, I will see everything with a sense of wonder and appreciation. The way it is deserved to be perceived. I can control how others feel. I can’t change others. The only person I can change and control is myself. So, I will take in everyday like it’s my last and grow in every little way that I can. Learn more about the business. Chat more with my fiancée. Appreciate the well-being of my parents. Give back to my community the best that I can. Appreciate the past, present, and future.

Remember the good times with fondness and affection. Plan with focus on the future. And live the present moment like it’s your last. Because it very well could be. It’s during these deep times of focus, of living in the present, when I can gain significant joy and peace. When I feel like I have achieved everything that I could ever achieve. That I have enough. That I am good as I am. That I don’t need to strive for other people’s aspirations. That I am fine.

Yet, at the same time, I will also continue to change. To grow. Because the only constant in this world is change itself. And I will continue to grow in the right direction. Use healthy mindsets to will me into a positive space. Consume media and information that improves my well-being rather than deters me from it. Treat everyone with empathy and respect. And just learn to grow with peace. Having a healthy balance of gratitude and appreciation for change.

These days, I can continue to get better. And continue to practice gratitude for the here and now. They are not mutually exclusive. They are interchangeable and doable together. So, cherish life like it’s your last day to live. Cherish everything around you. All the exciting times. All the mundane times. All the happy times. All the challenging times. Every experience provides you with an opportunity to learn from your victories and learn from your mistakes. And just learn to grow into a more joyful, peaceful, and helpful human being.

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