Sometimes, things will not go your way. People will not do things that you expect them to do. You will not be in control of everything. The ideal will not happen to the most of us. That is because life isn’t ideal. There will be twists and turns. Ups and downs. Bumps and bruises.
But, as humans, we can be resilient. We can suck it up and move forward. Embrace the pain. The suffering. The challenge. Don’t ask yourself why this is happening to me? Don’t start a pity party for yourself. Just accept it and move on.
That’s the best you can do. When I was suffering from social anxiety and awkwardness when I first graduated college, that’s all I could think about. Why am I so socially awkward? Why do I feel so unconfident? Why am I feeling down and out? This is not how it is supposed to happen. This is not how I envisioned living life to be like.
Shouldn’t it be all sweet smells and pretty roses? Shouldn’t it be all gratitude and peace and happiness? Shouldn’t it be all smooth sailing from here on out?
It’s easy to practice gratitude. And say that you are going to be grateful for the here and now. To stay in the moment. To be at peace with yourself. To accept everything for what they are. But, that’s just all ideal. It is much easier said than done.
The silver lining between struggles and challenges is that it gives you an opportunity to grow and continuously harden yourself from the pain of loss. The pain of losing something that was so dear to you. You will continue to adapt. To thrive. To be resilient in the face of danger and non-idealness.
As humans, we will all suffer thru trials and tribulations. We will all want things that we don’t have. When I first graduated from college, I was so obsessed with just getting over this feeling of social anxiety. That’s all I cared about. It was a one track mind. And because of this, I joined Toastmasters to get over that fear.
I didn’t care about anything else. About getting married. About having kids. About buying a house. About all that stuff in life. I just simply cared about getting thru that period in life where I was struggling with my social skills.
Then, for a period of time, I really wanted a girlfriend. I really wanted to know what it feels like to date and be with someone that you truly care and love. I wanted to feel what it’s like to have a girlfriend. Because of my social anxiety, I had trouble talking to girls and going out with them. I simply didn’t know how to approach them. And it took me a while to get the hang of this and approach them and successfully date them.
And then, once I had a girlfriend, everything was fine and dandy for a while. But then more problems approached my head. How to move the relationship “forward”. Whether to move in or not. Whether to get married or not. Whether to have kids or not. Where to buy a house. And the list goes on and on. It seems like a never-ending carousel of problems.
And then, I look at the Facebook pictures of couples living seemingly happy lives with their two kids in a big house. And I want what they have. I want what I don’t have. Even though, I still have a lot in this world, I simply yearn for the things that I don’t have. And that causes problems. Problems upon problems upon problems. It’s like going down a never-ending rabbit hole of desire and misery.
I wish that I can just be at present. But this stuff takes practice. This stuff takes time. And sometimes, periods of struggle can liven you up and make you a tougher person in life. It can make you realize that you can get thru many things. Time is a friend. And it can certainly heal most wounds. So, let time work its magic. Suck it up for the here and now. And embrace the uncertainty and the pain.
It’s easy to say that life is beautiful when things are going well. But it’s harder to appreciate the finer things in life when you’re going thru a breakup, a divorce, a death of a loved one, a demotion, a bad argument with a good friend. Things like that really test your mettle and resolve. It’s harder to simply be “grateful” during these times of distress.
So, there’s no easy formula to fix this. You just need to dig down deep. Talk to friends and hit up your support system to feel better, and navigate the treacherous terrains of life during these times. It’s not all peaches and cream. Life will throw you countless of curveballs every day. Every month. Every year. And this year was no different.
It’s hard to go through pain and struggle. But, we all face it at some point in time in our lives. And if it’s any consolation, every person goes thru pain and uncertainty. Whether it be in relationships, in your career, in your family, or in general. Sometimes, the best advice is to just suck it up and live with it for the here and now. Because time is your friend. It can heal all wounds. And during times of distress, it can show you that these times (for better or worse) simply don’t last.